these days

I had to get that Eisley business outta my system so I could do a real post.

Things have been so strange lately. I have been thinking a lot, and discovering so many new tiny things about myself. Little, insignificant discoveries I can’t believe I didn’t know before, like: I don’t like hot water! I am more pessimistic than I like to think I am! I am okay with my clothes clashing completely!

Perhaps I’ll add to that list as I think of more.

I feel very alone. But not in a bad way. I don’t have anyone to talk to about all the things going through my mind, but it’s my fault entirely. I don’t want to talk about them. And I have always had problems trusting people. No one knows what is going on with me, and that’s fine. I’m just as clueless.

A Sight to Behold

Yeah. Been a while.

EISLEY CONCERT was amazing. Justin and I got there very early, and somehow managed to hang out inside the venue while Eisley and the opening bands warmed up and did soundchecks. And then we got to meet Eisley! They were adorable and so sweet. Photographic evidence:

I know, righttt?! I think we match the band pretty well, actually!

And then of course, the concert itself was amazing. I could touch the stage from where I was standing! And they were so goooooood.

Synopsis

I’ve had a strange couple of days. I was feeling more pessimistic and antisocial than usual on Friday, and spent the end of my night hibernating in my room, crying, but enjoying solitude. If I’m in a group for too long, I inevitably begin wandering away, subconsciously separating myself from the group. Friends usually fetch me and bring me back time and time again, but eventually I am able to break away without notice.

And I don’t know what it was about Friday. I needed to cry cry cry. I did, but only a little bit. I didn’t have much reason to, and I didn’t want to be tooooo pathetic!

Saturday was beautiful, I explored Whole Earth with Kate and her friends, and then headed to the Rec Pool with Dustin and Ryan and Justin. We swam for a few hours and enjoyed the sun, and colored in my sketchbook as we dried off.

Sunday was Mother’s day and I got to spend it with my mommy and sissy ’cause they came to Davis to visit meeeeee! We ate crepes and explored the festival. At beginning I saw this pendant which had Edgar Allen Poe on one side and a raven on the other. Hours and hours later, I just had to go back and buy it. You don’t come across that kinda thing every day! It was so purchasable. My mom and Anna are so cool. Hilarious! We have an abnormal amount of fun together, especially for mom and daughters. I LOVE THEM SO!

And this morning I went to Armadillo to buy tickets to see Eisley tomorrow. And I got THE LAST ONE! And really, how often is it that you buy a ticket for a concert the very next night?!! I’m in the process of cramming all the Eisley I’ve got into my head so I’ll be ready.

And now…we’re watching old Destiny’s Child music videos and a bunch of other crazy and weird and old and therefore hilarious music videos!

“see the beauty in ugly”

I was in a great mood yesterday. Maybe it was getting my first of three midterms this week out of the way, I don’t know, but it was nice being so happy! I smiled and laughed as I biked to class, getting more than a few looks from weirded-out passersby. I looked around and realized: ugliness doesn’t exist. There is a way to see everything as beautiful, difficult as it may be. I choose to see a few things as ugly, but this is just how I perceive them, not as they inherently are. Most of the things I see as ugly aren’t tangible, things like cruelty and racism and destruction. When it comes to tangible things, I see ugliness when humans violate nature, devastating all that once was for our benefit. Natural things are gorgeous, artificiality creates ugliness. Everything I think is ugly only exists within human societies.

Once I decided that ugliness does not exist, I noticed how often I say things are ugly. This is wrong! The things I view as ugly are truly repulsive, and thankfully, aren’t in my life very often. I’ve made a vow to use the term sparingly and to look for beauty as often as I can; though I’ll never find beauty in the things that are truly ugly to me. Beauty is much easier to find. Beauty can be found by looking at a rock up close, noticing the differences in people’s walks, seeing the wind blow leaves around, running in the rain, thinking about how efficiently our bodies work. It’s so cliché to say “beauty is everywhere” but yeah, I think that’s pretty much what I’m getting at!