2nd Goal

I mentioned my first goal for the quarter, but I thought of another one: become a great singer.

man up

Something just occurred to me: I will never be a man. Now, as a nineteen-year-old female, you’d think this would be something I realized loooong ago but I guess I never gave it much thought. It seems strange that, although there is so much out there for me to experience, I will never experience simply being male.

At the ARC here in Davis there are basketball courts with people playing on them all the time. Any able-bodied male can join in on a game whenever he wishes! They’re not sexist over there, but since I am neither male nor basketball player, I will never feel confident enough to join in.

I like these types of man activities! I am a little disappointed I will never be able to participate in any male bonding activities. No guy’s nights out. No watching of games. No eating rudely. No eating of unhealthy snacks. No giving a great man to man hug. No looking normal in manpants. No being unapologetically gross. No bumping of chests. No tossing around of pigskins (I’m aware that’s probably not proper man-lingo). Dang it! ‘Cause even though I can (and at times, do) do these things, it will never be man to man. As much as my great friends make me feel like I’m just one of them, we all know I’m not. And I’m sure it’s quite different when I’m not around.

Though I’ll never experience those things (or anything…?) as a man would, I am so glad I get to experience the great things about being a girl/woman. And since no one can experience both, I suppose I’ll stick with being female! I’m better at that anyway.

Outside Lands Lineup

does not compare to last year’s.

here’s hoping

Favorite bands

currently (what I’m listening to lately/trying to acquire more of):

• Andrew Bird
• Mother Mother
• My Brightest Diamond
• Eisley
• Regina Spektor
• Conor Oberst/Bright Eyes

of all time (bands that I have loved for years, and know most/all of their songs):

• Sufjan Stevens
• The Beatles
• Radiohead

And I just realized, after looking over this list, that aside from The Beatles I have seen every single one live. And five of them, front row (or very close). I might be the luckiest person in the world.

mind tenants

• There are animals living in my ceiling. Probably rats. Squeaking, scratching, scurrying.
• Perhaps relatedly, hopefully not, I am covered in itchy spots (bug bites? plague? not.) and have been for months. I am itching my way to insanity. And getting scars all over…hmm!
• My sister broke the school record in triple jump on Saturday. She is incredible. And I want everyone to know.
• I love how I feel right now: weak, from trying to become stronger. I worked out for hours today, and now I feel like a newborn puppy that can kind of twitch but cannot really move its limbs. I can’t wait to sleep and then wake up new and sore.
• Am I eating too little? Am I eating too much? Am I eating the right things?
• Am I happy? Are others around me happy? Can I help this?
• The box I keep thoughts in that I hid yesterday
• My guitar gathering dust and my fingertips losing their calluses
• My Brightest Diamond. Shara Worden is amazing and I need the newer CDs…although Workhorse has satisfied me for years and years.
  Originally I had another vid in mind but WOW I had to include this a capella one instead: she is so cool!
  
• Where is Sufjan, and why is he dormant? I miss him.
• What what what WHAT am I doing Fall 2009? Help.

four-leaf clover

First of all: I forgot a major fear I want to conquer: injections/needles.

Here are some computer-generated “perfect” faces I found on the internet. They combine different percentages of faces of people based on their attractiveness rating.

Perfect man:

Perfect woman:

The thing about these images, while they aren’t unattractive, they aren’t spectacular. The way they combined the faces was meant to optimize the attractiveness of the result, but all the blending has really just created two very average faces. I like this, because to me it means that it is our unique characteristics that are most attractive, not the ones that overlap with others. Most people are self conscious about the way their appearance differs from “normal”, when really these differences might be perceived as their best features.

But I have a hard time figuring out so-called attractiveness anyway.